Courier Mail January 24,2004
"Opinion & letters"´
Best, biggest, tastiest-no worries , mate
We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. Although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to moan about it whenever we like. We are one nation but divided into many states.
Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final and big horse races. Melbourne markets itself as "liveable". Most of us think it is too cold and wet.
NSW is the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens.
Down south, we have Tasmania , a state where the family tree has no branches. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders.
Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.
The Northern Teritory is the centrepiece of our national culture, but few of us live there; most of us prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.
And there´s Queensland, While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining half a nation of atheists, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland . It´s beautiful one day and perfect the next. Why he filled it with drongos remains a mystery.
Oh, there´s Canberra. The less said the better.
We , the citizens of Oz, are united by highways whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers.
We want to make"no worries mate" our national phrase, she´ll be right mate" our national attitude, and Waltzing Matilda our national anthem. We love sport so much our newreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who´s winning.
We´re the best in the world at all the sports that count, such as cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL , roo-shooting, two-up and horse racing.
We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst-dressed Olympians in the known universe.
Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance . Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards or cameras but chain the pens to the desk.
Happy Australia Day. -Peter Terrill,Ferny Hills
Down south we have Tasmania...Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces
It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can´t seem to beat no matter how often the try
http://www.geniac.net/portarthur/images/havehold.jpghttp://www.crimelibrary.com/serial/bryant/
